Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
