It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
me + whiskey = a bad person
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
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