Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
