can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
