i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
