i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
