Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
