i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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