their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
