No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
