omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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