that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
