I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
