4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
