Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
