when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
