Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
