One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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