you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
