Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
