im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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