how can u be prego again
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
