"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
