i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
