I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
