This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I understand Curling. That high.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
