Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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