At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
