Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
