I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
