Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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