My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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