i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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