i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
