I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
