You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
