Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
