What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
