dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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