Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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