I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize