The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
