youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
