i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
