The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
