he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
