If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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