Im at strip club and am horny
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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