Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
