The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize