I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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