Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
