He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
There r osticjed everywhere
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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