I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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