afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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