So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
