I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
