wakey wakey hands off snakey
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
