if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
