remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
