i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
