You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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