CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
