One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
