My friends, they love my intelligence
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
