guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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