My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
