Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
do nipples grow back?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
