Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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