If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
