im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
NoShamevember. You game?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
