So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
