K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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