I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
