I wish I could punch you in the face.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize