Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
