Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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