Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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