i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
