dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
